I have spent the past week going over everything in my life that I regret, why I regret it, and what I would do to change it. Why the hell am I doing that? I found a writing contest with the simple statement-Write an essay about a mistake or regret and what you would do to change it. Powerful, right?
The challenge, the way I see it, is to write something interesting, but not too deep and depressing. And of course, any of these regrets you have need to be usable in an essay that the entire world may just read (and I’m including my mother in that crowd). Ready for that, are you? Sure, I have major regrets, but not too many I want to tell the world about in 1,500 words or less. And I have regrets that I don’t feel I should change. They are what they are, and it’s that simple.
Then there are the regrets I think would have made a difference in someone else’s life more than mine. Those are the ones I think I would change. But which one of those is worth writing about?
So, my week has been quite depressing at times as I drive the kid around town, wash the dishes, and fold the laundry all the while reviewing all the shitty, stupid, or unkind things I think I’ve done and what I would do to change them. The more I review my life, the more I think I’m a bitch and that I have hurt people by the mere act of not paying attention. I think this comes from obsessing over my flaws for an entire week.
But seriously, I have come to the unfortunate conclusion that my lack of attention may have been a factor in many of these instances that keep flashing before my eyes as I sit at the red light. I would like to think that I have learned as I grew, and I will admit I have a lot fewer to review in the past 10 years. But who knows what tomorrow brings? I have been distracted lately.
I finally came up with a mistake I would like to change, and hopefully it’s good enough to win a prize. But if not, at least this has given me a chance to think about my mistakes. I didn’t like that much, but maybe I’ll pay a little more attention to everyone else.
Oh, and if I didn’t get around to you yet, let this be an apology for that thing I said. I’m sure I didn’t mean it.